


Let's Get Fake Married

by iamsiriusblackserious



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 14:24:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5093984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamsiriusblackserious/pseuds/iamsiriusblackserious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Arthur and Merlin are about to announce their (fake) engagement to the world, Arthur is defeated by his necktie, and Merlin "can't pee in front of other people, Arthur, I just CAN'T-".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Get Fake Married

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bedwyrssong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedwyrssong/gifts).



> I wrote this for [bedwyrssong](http://bedwyrssong.tumblr.com/) several months ago on tumblr, but I decided to post it here as well, so enjoy!

“Remind me why this is a good idea?”

Still fussing with his tie (because he was honestly  _hopeless_  when it came to ties,  _why_  were ties even a  _thing_ ), Arthur didn’t even bother to glance up when he replied, “I never said this was a good idea, just that it was the only idea that would work.”

Merlin turned from where he’d been peeking through the curtain to the room beyond and stared at his friend in abject horror. “Arthur!” he moaned, clutching great handfuls of his hair to avoid wrapping his hands around the idiot’s neck, “This is it, I’m going to be arrested! They’re going to cart me off and lock me up, and I can’t pee in front of other people, Arthur, I just  _can’t-_ ”

“You’re not going to be arrested,  _Mer_ lin, don’t be ridiculous! At the very worst, my father will sic M16 on you-”

“Oh brilliant, I’m just gonna have to pee in front of James Bond-”

“Why would you have to pee in front of James Bond, you’re making even less sense than usual-”

“Because usually we’re not about to come out in front of the entire country and announce our bloody fake engagement!”

Arthur’s head whipped around, glancing about to make absolutely sure that they were alone, before turning back to Merlin and hissing, “Keep your voice down, you idiot! If even a rumor gets back to my father that we’re not actually engaged-”

“Or even  _involved_ -”

“-then this whole operation gets flushed down the toilet!”

“Which is exactly where it belongs, because this is a  _shite plan_ , Arthur!”

“Well, now you’re just arguing for the sake of toilet humor.”

A polite cough drew their attention to the curtain, now pushed aside to admit Arthur’s assistant. “Five minutes, Arthur,” Gwen informed them, her professional veneer cracking to allow a small smile when the reminder merely made Merlin moan once more. “Try not to think about the people watching at home,” she said soothingly. “And if the nerves start to get the better of you, just imagine everyone in the room is naked.”

“No, don’t do that, doesn’t work,” Arthur said conversationally, as if his best friend hadn’t just stiffened in horror and they weren’t about to  _announce their engagement on live fucking television_.

“Oh shite! I wasn’t even thinking about that!” Merlin groaned, bending at the waist and struggling to remember how to breathe.

“Oh Merlin, I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t worry about it, Guinevere,” Arthur interrupted what was sure to be a long, rambling apology, pressing a hand to her arm and gently nudging her back towards the curtain. “We’ll be ready in five minutes.”

“Three minutes,” she corrected him absently. With one last apologetic look, she disappeared back behind the curtain, already lifting a hand to her headset and positing a question about the sound equipment.

Arthur turned back to Merlin to see that he’d straightened once more, a thin sheen of sweat glinting on his forehead, expression troubled. “Are you alright?” Arthur asked.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t think this all the way through,” Merlin confessed, closing his eyes and leaning against the wall at his back.

Taking advantage of the chance to really look at his best friend, Arthur belatedly noticed the dark circles under his eyes that couldn’t quite be covered by make-up, the harried expression that had seemed to be permanently fixed on his face since he’d agreed to Arthur’s plan. He walked up to Merlin and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Listen,” he said, “I know this is a lot to ask of you. If you want to back out now, I’d understand, truly. The last thing I want is to hurt you, Merlin.”

Immediately, Merlin shook his head and said, “No, I promised to help you and that’s what I’m going to do. I  _want_  to help you, Arthur. It’s just the thought of fake marrying you…it’s just a lot to take in.”

“We’re not getting fake married, Merlin.”

Merlin did open his eyes at that, staring up through his lashes, his voice gone soft as he said, “Really?”

“Of course not! We won’t have to take it that far, there’ll be plenty of time to come up with a reason to call it all off – oh, what’s wrong _now_?!”

“Nothing,” Merlin grumbled out through gritted teeth, his body gone rigid, face flushed with anger. “Let’s just get this over with. The sooner we get on with it, the sooner we can  _call it all off_.”

“Look, it’s not like I want to be doing this, Merlin!” Arthur half-shouted, his quick temper finally snapping. “If I had any other viable option, you know I’d take it, because this isn’t fair to either of us! But…” Just as quickly as it’d flared up, his ire cooled, and he slumped against the wall at Merlin’s side, letting his entire body slump in defeat the way he’d always been taught to conceal from the general public. He sighed and pressed a hand to his forehead, a headache just beginning to form behind his eyes. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else with this, Merlin. Only you.”

There was a moment of silence at his quiet admission, then something that could only be Merlin’s bony shoulder nudged against his, and when Merlin spoke, his voice was lighter and gentler than it had been in days. “Well,  _obviously_. Can you imagine marrying Gwaine?”

Arthur groaned. “Oh god, why would you even suggest that?!”

(Somewhere, in a pub on the other side of London, Gwaine was deeply offended.)

They were still laughing at the thought of Gwaine stepping anywhere near an altar, when Gwen poked her head once more through the curtain. “Oh brilliant!” she said upon seeing their smiling faces. “You’re on in one minute.”

Merlin’s smile immediately dimmed but didn’t disappear completely, and he took a deep, calming breath. “Alright,” he sighed, running his hands through his hair in a hopeless attempt to smooth it back into place. Then he turned to give Arthur a critical once-over and rolled his eyes. “You still haven’t managed the tie? C’mere, you prat, let me.”

Arthur grumbled under his breath but did as he was told, allowing Merlin to twist and tug at his tie, not even protesting when Merlin finished with the tie and buttoned up his suit jacket, smoothed out a few wrinkles, and then took a step back to eye his work. However, he did offer up a cheeky, “How do I look?” and turned around in a slow circle.

“Perfectly princely, your prattliness,” Merlin retorted, grinning when Arthur gave him a half-hearted glare at the slight. “Come on, then, before we give Gwen a heart attack.”

“Fifteen seconds!” Gwen informed them sternly, ducking her head behind the curtain once more and hissing at someone on the other side.

Two sound technicians scurried over to Arthur and Merlin to secure their microphones onto their jacket lapels, and in the resulting chaos, Arthur saw Merlin’s grin slip, watched him take a deep, shaky breath, and the guilt was gnawing at him again, that he was the reason his best friend looked so stressed out. “Merlin,” he said softly, just loud enough to gain his attention.

Merlin took one look at his face and then the grin was back, softer than before. “Just make it worth my while, clotpole,” he replied.

Then Gwen was ushering them through the curtain and onto the podium in a roomful of reporters and flashing cameras, and Arthur’s last thought before he began his speech was that he was sure as hell going to try.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://iamsiriusblackserious.tumblr.com/%22%22)


End file.
